I deserve nothing. I can’t and won’t be able to do anything right. I don’t deserve your attention, and you don’t deserve the worthless piece of shit that I am. I’m sorry for all the arguments, the fights, all the bad times. In time you will forget all of those things, or you will remember them forever and hate me for it. But what I can’t forget is all the good times we had. The first night I met you. At a stupid car show that I never thought I would be at. Jeremy dragged me up there because me and Megan felt bad. We said we would only be there an hour. But that somehow turned into the whole night. We talked about your girl problems, we drove around in your car, which even though I say I hate it I really don’t. I understand she will always be your baby, no matter what. I wish that night at Lane’s house was longer. I regret everything I’ve ever said to him. I wish it was you that night, I wish I could have you still in my bed. I wish we could just lay around literally all day and not have a care in the world. I’m going to miss how you made me feel so confident. I never would have worn a dress out in public if it wasn’t for you. I never would be willing to try new things if you didn’t make me. You made me more outgoing. YOU made me get a bikini, which is insane for me. You made me like 100 times more confident since the day I met you. I’m going to miss making late night Taco Bell runs because we can’t sleep and we are hungry. I’ll never forget the good times we had. When we went out in the snow that one day walking that long ass road, freezing my butt off. When we went to the aquarium, and I wish we went to the zoo sooner, but now that obviously isn’t going to happen with you and me and I hate that. I’m going to miss working with you ever though that is one of the most difficult places for me not to argue. I’m going to miss all the cute texts you send me, all the cute names you call me, holding hands, cuddling, everything.. I don’t know how I am going to do it without you. I’m so proud of you for not smoking anymore, or at least trying to. That makes me so happy. I’m so happy that you are getting your car back soon. I really, really am. I was so excited for the day you got it back. I couldn’t wait to see you driving it, with that huge smile on your face. I had plans for when you got it back. I was going to save up money and plan a trip to Lurray Caverns through Skyline Drive. You would drive of course, in your can. I wanted to take you to one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. I wanted to get a nice hotel up there for a couple days so we can just be away from everyone. Be out in the middle of the woods to just relax. I would have hoped you would’ve said yes. But I guess I can just daydream about it now. I wanted to take you to the time share out in the otter banks things winter if my grandparents still had it. we could have just gone alone or we could have people go with us, there are 4 extra beds and a fold out couch. I just don’t want this to be done. I love how you let me go to petstores all the time, and I love how you ask me questions about things. It makes me feel so good about myself. But now I have Sara to go with and that just gets annoying. I miss how you would come up behind me and wrap your arms around me. I felt safe there. Like nothing was going to happen to me. And I knew that as long as you were there nothing would happen to me. One of my favorite things was when we would go to Flipper McCoys.I don’t know why you did it, but you would always watch me with my stupid Pac Man obsession and I loved it. I loved having you right beside me trying to mess me up or giving me hope that I could do it. I miss that. If I could somehow convince you, I would take all my quarters out right now and go today with you. But that’s not going to happen anymore. I miss how we used to play that shark game all the time. How everything became a competition to us, I loved it even though at times I complained. I love waking up to your face. Everything about it is perfect to me. All the scars, the mismatched hair, the roughness of your beard, the little crevice on your chest I can lay my head, your laugh, your smile, all the pimples I get to pop, how you have monkey feet, the fact that you never get sick, your bad tattoo, everything about you. I can’t stand the fact that I don’t have it anymore. I want it back so bad. I don’t care what people think. My family and friends, your family and friends, their opinions don’t matter to me anymore. I just want you. I messed up real bad. I would do anything to fix it right now, anything. I never want to lose you. I love you. I love you so much.
If I reply with “oh” I either don’t give a fuck or I feel like i’ve been punched in the throat
I never fail to say something wrong…:/